Resident Evils

When I was in college, I had a roommate who was the son of an emotionally unavailable absentee father type. Let’s pretend to protect his dignity and identity by calling him, oh, Peter Pan. Peter collected comic books, decorated his room with Disney posters, VCRed cartoons if classes interfered, and had character oriented bed sheets. He wasn’t gay (that would be my other roommates), just childlike. One of Peter’s prized possessions was an original vinyl recording of the Star Wars Christmas album that included a deeply philosophical tune entitled, “What do you get a Wookie for Christmas when he already owns a comb?” Moving. I am now faced with a similar problem: “What do you get an resident physician for Christmas when she already owns a stethoscope?” Here’s my problem: It’s 3 days until Christmas. She’s on call tonight (which means I can go shopping without her!). BUT she doesn’t wear jewelry (you can’t wear it into surgery). You just DON’T give flowers for Christmas. She loves chocolate, but we are both trying to cut down. Hobbies? You’re kidding, right? Residents don’t get to have hobbies. She eats, sleeps, works, and takes long baths. That’s it. So, If in the next 12-24 hours you have any bright ideas, please, for the love of all that is good and matrimonially preservative, post a comment and help a brother out!