Dust in the Wind

I bought boots.  And Wranglers.  Real boots, real Wranglers.  What’s worse: I REALLY like the Wranglers.  I mean, since I lost the weight, I’ve been looking for jeans that fit again.  Relaxed fit no longer works for me.  I tried Lucky Jeans, no luck.  I tried Chaps, and felt chaffed.  But, on a whim, I tried on some Wrangler model 13 MWZ jeans, yes, those, the ones that the real cowboys wear on the pro rodeo circuit, and dang if they didn’t fit.  I even bought ‘em long, at the suggestion of the kind lady at the western wear store, so they would “stack” properly over the heel of my new boots.  OH, right, my BOOTS!!!  Ok, I was told that I could NOT purchase pointy toe boots.  There was a very good reason offered for why I could not do this, and if you call or email, I’ll tell you, but it’s just not the sort of thing I’m gonna blog.  Oh, and a belt. Well, to be honest, that’s what I really went in to purchase.  It’s really cool.  It’s black, and brown, and has some tasteful “tooling,” but it was still a bit conservative by the opining of the western shop proprietor.  She thought it was one step removed from a “work belt.”  She would rather I had purchased a belt that looked like it was designed by an ambiguously-gay, extrovertedly-Christian, turquoise-loving cowboy with a penchant for turquoise and silver.  I decided I just wasn’t that in touch with my western-ness yet.  Yet.  Anyway,  I have some cool jeans, some kickin’ boots, and a great belt.  But enough about me....POP QUIZ!!!!

The weather patterns in western Kansas are as stable as:

A: Amy Winehouse on camera

B: Gasoline prices, even on Wednesday morning

C: Window’s Vista

D: An Alabama lawyer in a pair of new cowboy boots

Answer: E: Hussein Obama’s promise to accept public campaign funds if his opponent did the same, and thus be subject to equitable campaign fund-raising restrictions.  Oh, look!  Hussein’s embraced change already!  I just had no idea that “change” was a code word for “blatantly lying to the people from whom you request the highest position of elected trust possible in the western hemisphere.”  Silly me.  Right, enough about Hussein.  I’m sure Green Day is busy working on their next album, “Senatorial Idiot,” denouncing the lying lier that Hussein has shown himself to be.  The first single: “Wake America Up When November Ends”....

We managed to go check out the new coffee shop.  The espresso was good.  Sure, it would be better if they played an endless torrent of contemporary Christian music or inaccessably-indy stuff like some coffee shops that I won’t mention, but whose name might rhyme with Fourbucks.  Guess where I’ll be studying for the Kansas Bar Exam.  You guys are sharp.

My temporary law permit arrived just in time, and so this was my first week at work as a prosecutor-in-training.  I spent a good deal of time in court shadowing some experienced assistant county attorney’s, meeting judges, becoming acquainted with the criminal defense bar, and getting to know the ancillary personnel who make the whole thing possible.  As for the defendents .... well, let’s just say that you’ll have to buy the book.  Some of this stuff, however, is too “real” to ever pass for fiction.  Like the mother in danger of losing her child who wore a T-Shirt to court that said, “I AM CRAZY.”  Or the multiple defendents who appealed to their faith, the scriptures, or even their newly found employment in neighboring states as reasons for why the court should show them leniency for crimes ranging from spousal abuse to aggravated assault.  Why none of them ever cites to Jesus’ instruction to “Go and sin no more” is beyond me, and apparently them as well.

Oh, and Dory the Danger Whippet is currently sitting on a record of two rabbits and one chipmunk.  Little Bunny Foo-Foo would be wise to keep his fuzzy butt out of our fence.  In the battle between high-speed rodents and a bored whippet, vote on the whippet.

Carry On, My Wayward Son

Right, so we made it.  Sure, there was a horrible series of windstorms that swept across middle America just as we were sweeping across, um, middle America.  But, thank God, we escaped harm.  We are moved into our new house.  There is yet unpacking to be done.  And there are still “personal administrative” things to accomplish: auto tags, insurance issues, picking out of new pizza and dry cleaning establishments...  But all in all, we’re getting settled in.  Wife, me, and Nana are all set to start work on Monday, but I am the only iffy one in that equation, as I am still waiting on my temporary Kansas license.

So, life in Kansas so far.... Well, yes, it is windy.  Duh.  And, yes, the humidity is lower than Alabama, so that’s kind of nice, too.  Let’s hit the more unexpected things.  Where Alabama is about as east as the Central Time zone goes, Kansas is about as west as it goes, so it’s still daylight at 9pm.  And if you haven’t lived in Alaska, that’s odd.  We have found that there is a local coffee shop with free Wi-Fi and hand-tamped espresso, so that’s a MAJOR plus.  The nights get nice and cool after the sun goes down.  Dust storms?  Yep, we got ‘em.  And my new Kansas insurance agent wasn’t sure what a “Honda S2000” was, and that kind of made me smile.  And Dory, our precious whippet who is great with kids, long-suffering with teasing, and generally low-key, totally ran down a rabbit in the backyard.  I’ll spare you the details, but DANG the dog can run.  Wheat fields?  Yep.  We got ‘em.  And if you want authentic Mexican fare, well you are in the right place.

Otherwise, we’re exhausted, but functioning.  And hey, that’s pretty good, right?

Fuego en la Sangre!

So, I totally missed my blog during my time as a judicial clerk.  But, you know, the whole “clerking” gig really put a hurt on my writing time.  I only have so many “keystrokes” in a day.  But, as of last friday, I have put my clerking days astern.  Major thanks go out to everyone at the Alabama Supreme Court for making my time there invaluable.  I knew the job was temporary when I took it, and I still miss it.

BUT... On to other news...

The wife has taken a job with St. Catherine’s Hospital in Garden City, Kansas.  I have accepted a job offer as an assistant county attorney out there, and assuming I have similar success with the Kansas bar exam as I had with the Alabama bar and I manage to pass a background check and drug test, I’ll be prosecuting bad guys out in southwest Kansas here in the near future.  And yes, that obviously means that the house we built in Montgomery is up for sale, empty, and ready to house a new family and a new keg.  C’est la vie.

As I write, I am in a hotel room in Forrest City, Arkansas.  I have a couple of small dogs around me, and a warm-ish MacBook Air on my lap.  And if you must know, I have Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” playing on iTunes.  Love me some iTunes.

Today was day-1 of the trip.  Now, this is solely possible because for the past two days, our house was swarmed by Mayflower packers and loaders.  Currently, 95% of our earthly possessions are packed in an 18 wheeler, along with my S2000, somewhere in America.  No, I did no mis-type.  Our “life” is packed in cardboard boxes, behind which is my 2800 pound mid-life-crisis-in-automotive-form.  Wife is driving her truck with the boat behind.  I am driving Nana’s truck with Nana, the three dogs, a U-haul trailer, and an essential XM radio.  Butters was fine with this event from the beginning.  Nala was a freak.  And Dory was a bit weird until she realized we weren’t driving 1100 miles to take her to the vet.

In other news...the town we are moving to is about 40% hispanic.  So, in preparation, we did the only logical thing: We starting eating out CONSTANTLY at our local Mexican restaurant, chatting up the very gracious wait-staff, and watching “telenovelas” (read: Hispanic Soap-operas).  If/when in Montgomery, AL, you MUST eat at Tipico de Mexico, and ask to be served by Irma.  Tell her Mike and Kim sent you.  And order numero cinquenta.  Good stuff.  Right, so, I am so totally addicted to “Fuego en la Sangre” on Univision.  Not even funny.  I watched in the hotel room tonight.  Sofia has some very importante decisions to make.  Dios mio, that is some good television!!!!

Ok.  Off to bed.  I have sleep to go before my miles.  Or something like that.

Que Dios le bendiga.