Alright, Mike’s back! But not without a cost. I pulled one more all-nighter Thursday to finish my law review comment and get my cite check turned in by deadline. So far so good. Bought a cheap suitcase at Wal-Mart at 5:00am because, well, because I’m a dork and forgot to bring one up from Mobile, and my flight was leaving in about, oh, FOUR HOURS!
The flight from Birmingham to Atlanta was lost on me. Despite the fact that I was seated directly beside a mother with a baby on her lap, I was quite literally asleep before the plane was aloft, and I seriously don’t remember the landing. We almost got to see an indignant dad and a profane passenger go toe to toe on the last leg of the flight, but cooler heads prevailed as mine nodded off again.
Now, I see no need to provide a full chronology of the events of the Southeast Regional Client Counseling Competition, given that such an account might be the only thing more boring than actually being there. But a few details of the weekend were so bizarre as to warrant comment. And wouldn’t you know it, there are 10 such details.
Top Ten Really Jacked Events, Observations, and Odors from this Weekend In Orlando!10. A disproportionate number of the homeless people in downtown Orlando have bicycles. I assign no meaning to this observation. I simply make it.
9. You’ll have an easier time getting a decent tattoo on your seat than a seat at a decent restaurant on Universal Blvd. on Saturday night. I got neither.
8. If you leave the remnants of two angus burgers and pulled pork quesadillas on the room-service tray in the suite overnight, your hotel room will smell like @$$ for the next 12 hours after the offending aliments have been removed.
7. Overheard from a ‘hip’ white kid on his cell phone on street corner in downtown Orlando: “No, my n#gg&r, in front of the
Baptist church.” Again, no comment.
6. Overheard from local describing the staff at a local Chinese joint: “Yeah, they have good food and two Chinese midget sisters who work the register. The money looks so big in their little hands.” Um. No comment?
5. When we left our hotel Saturday afternoon, it appeared people were setting up for a rockin’ wedding reception. When we came back that night, rather than wedding guests, the hotel lobby was populated almost exclusively by sharply dressed lesbians chugging back booze and raising money for treatment for lesbians suffering from breast cancer. OK, this time, I’ll comment. I share their concern for quality women’s health, and I share a few interests in common with lesbians (which I will kindly refrain from here enumerating). And I’m very jealous that they didn’t invite us to come to their party. It was rockin. The next morning, a hotel employee fought a valiant fight to vacuum up the glitter that shimmered across the acres of commercial carpet in the hotel lobby.
4. We had eight total judges at varying stages of our three rounds of competition. If I took the time to tell you exactly how pompous, self-important, smug, needlessly verbose, and all around puerile the last judge was, I’d end up becoming that which I despise. Suffice it to say, he loves the sound of his own voice so much he can’t burp without feeling a little sad that no one was there to appreciate his eloquence, wisdom, and burbling sense of self-worth.
3. On Saturday night, a few city blocks of downtown Orlando’s club district are cordoned off to traffic and all those incapable or unwilling to part with a $5 cover charge. It’s amazing how much more fun it is to listen to live reggae when a $5 riffraff-deterrent-tax is firmly in place!
2. Thanks to the four hour delay of our flight leaving Orlando, I had the opportunity to study constitutional law with a great man: Sam Adams. Patriot. Brewer.
1. Florida A&M University School of Law has a fabulous, state of the art facility now in the heart of Orlando. Their students and faculty were gracious hosts, and I wish them all the best future competitions, recruiting, and securing permanent accreditation. Kudos, FAMU!
