12 Angry Minutes
I started out writing a post that was a rant against the recently announced Michael Jackson verdict. After typing a while, I read my own work and decided that I had given too much attention to Jackson. He’s been hitting the snooze button on his 15 minutes of fame for way longer than any sentient being, medically altered or otherwise. Nevertheless, I couldn’t stand to waste a good rant. I enjoy getting pissed off once in a while. After having read the editorial page over the past couple of days and watching the jury verdict today in Jackson’s case, here are my current Top Ten (or Twelve) Favorite Incendiary Rants:
I believe OJ, Blake, and Jackson are all guilty; but I don’t expect all justice to be wrought in this life.
I believe the jury system has flaws. But I also believe it is harder to bribe 12 fallible jurors chosen at random than one fallible judge selected by popular vote (or appointed by someone who was).
I believe Terry Shiavo’s constitutional rights were violated: It’s cruel and unusual to keep a person alive like that.
I think we were right to invade Iraq: fighting mosquitoes and terrorists require similar tactics: lure them away from your home, kill them before they can reproduce, and destroy their breeding sites. You’ll never get them all, but that doesn’t mean you should just let them take your blood without a fight.
I think flushing a copy of the Koran down the toilet is a lot less heinous than kidnapping and beheading innocent civilians. For that matter, I think stewing, eating, and defecating a copy of the Koran is still a better idea than having countries that systematically oppress women and people of other religious beliefs.
I don’t think calling a Christian a liberal is a bad thing. Jesus “broke” the Sabbath, went out to eat with sinners, got a pedicure from a prostitute, questioned church authority, carried a weapon into the temple, and made 180 gallons of wine in ceremonial church vessels as his first miracle. OH, and unlike Pastor Rice of Calvary Baptist Church in Pinellas, Florida who asked federal court Justice Greer to leave the church because he disagreed with his rulings in the Shiavo case, Jesus forgave and actively reconciled with Peter after he’d denied Jesus three times.
I believe bad things sometimes happen to good people, good things sometimes happen to bad people, and that in more occasions than we feel comfortable admitting, there is no reason or meaning to such occurrences other than what we need there to be in order to avoid insanity and despair. Sometimes fecal-matter happens, and it is OK to mourn without feeling guilty for saying so, even to God. (Psalm 22:1)
I believe that you haven’t understood what grace is until it offends you.
I believe punitive damages are unconstitutional. How can we allow deprivation of property in cases involving a lower standard of proof than in criminal cases? If punitive damages are such a great idea, why do we not have them in breach of contract cases?
I believe socialized medicine is a crappy idea. Imagine the DMV hooking up your IV. Bleh. No thank you.
I believe humanity’s unbridled, often religiously endorsed, sprint to overpopulation is going to cause more war, poverty, and disease than the planet has yet encountered.
I believe LaHaye and Jenkins wish they hadn't crammed so much dispensational eschatology in their first book, not knowing they'd be wearing the whole theological theory thin by like, the twelfth? Is it twelve international-money-making-super books they’ve shamelessly pumped out? I mean heck, if Jesus hasn’t come back by the time you release the 13th sequel, maybe your skills as a apocalyptic prognosticator are somewhat suspect, eh?
I believe OJ, Blake, and Jackson are all guilty; but I don’t expect all justice to be wrought in this life.
I believe the jury system has flaws. But I also believe it is harder to bribe 12 fallible jurors chosen at random than one fallible judge selected by popular vote (or appointed by someone who was).
I believe Terry Shiavo’s constitutional rights were violated: It’s cruel and unusual to keep a person alive like that.
I think we were right to invade Iraq: fighting mosquitoes and terrorists require similar tactics: lure them away from your home, kill them before they can reproduce, and destroy their breeding sites. You’ll never get them all, but that doesn’t mean you should just let them take your blood without a fight.
I think flushing a copy of the Koran down the toilet is a lot less heinous than kidnapping and beheading innocent civilians. For that matter, I think stewing, eating, and defecating a copy of the Koran is still a better idea than having countries that systematically oppress women and people of other religious beliefs.
I don’t think calling a Christian a liberal is a bad thing. Jesus “broke” the Sabbath, went out to eat with sinners, got a pedicure from a prostitute, questioned church authority, carried a weapon into the temple, and made 180 gallons of wine in ceremonial church vessels as his first miracle. OH, and unlike Pastor Rice of Calvary Baptist Church in Pinellas, Florida who asked federal court Justice Greer to leave the church because he disagreed with his rulings in the Shiavo case, Jesus forgave and actively reconciled with Peter after he’d denied Jesus three times.
I believe bad things sometimes happen to good people, good things sometimes happen to bad people, and that in more occasions than we feel comfortable admitting, there is no reason or meaning to such occurrences other than what we need there to be in order to avoid insanity and despair. Sometimes fecal-matter happens, and it is OK to mourn without feeling guilty for saying so, even to God. (Psalm 22:1)
I believe that you haven’t understood what grace is until it offends you.
I believe punitive damages are unconstitutional. How can we allow deprivation of property in cases involving a lower standard of proof than in criminal cases? If punitive damages are such a great idea, why do we not have them in breach of contract cases?
I believe socialized medicine is a crappy idea. Imagine the DMV hooking up your IV. Bleh. No thank you.
I believe humanity’s unbridled, often religiously endorsed, sprint to overpopulation is going to cause more war, poverty, and disease than the planet has yet encountered.
I believe LaHaye and Jenkins wish they hadn't crammed so much dispensational eschatology in their first book, not knowing they'd be wearing the whole theological theory thin by like, the twelfth? Is it twelve international-money-making-super books they’ve shamelessly pumped out? I mean heck, if Jesus hasn’t come back by the time you release the 13th sequel, maybe your skills as a apocalyptic prognosticator are somewhat suspect, eh?
posted by graysandpeas | 7:03 PM
1 Comments:
Shouldn't all Christians be liberals?
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