Validate Me!!!

I logged onto the internet for the first time in 1995. I was at Beeson Divinity School at Samford U and we had a professor who wanted to force us into the digital age and had us turn in an assignment via email. The temptation for people like me, who have written entire papers on an actual typewriter, is to say that "it was a simpler time." Well, it wasn't. Information came through labor, card catalogues, and the f*&#ing yellow pages. And grades? Well, they came in the mail in a paper envelope. And that sort of thing could be checked ONCE and only once per day. Not so anymore. Back in December, I was largely and blissfully unaware that my Cumberland School of Law grades could be viewed upon submission ONLINE!! That is, until Will "El General" Motlow calls and informs me grades were out.
Now second semester is over and I'm a nervous f*&#ing wreck. I know the key sequence to log onto the school web portal and flip to the "grades" screen so well I have become my own macro. My wife makes fun of me for this, asking me each day, "How many times did you look today?" It is a jibe well founded. I'm a junky, and I need help. It's silly, really. I mean, even if you called RIGHT NOW and told me what all my grades are, what my new GPA is, and where I now stand in the class rankings as a result, it's not like it matters all that much. I made a solemn vow to myself before I started law school that I would not discuss my grades with classmates. As I found out first semester, personal privacy and grades at the Cumberland Rumor Mill don't always mix. And you know, my updated resume won't be worth diddly until like, what, September? So, I should relax, have a(nother) martini, and remember that by worry I can't change the color of a single hair on my head, add a second to my life, or avoid the inevitable reality that soon and very soon, I, too, shall pass.
Oh, and the summer job is going fine, blah, blah, blah.
Grace,
Mike